I can text with my tongue
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
