i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
