im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Randomize
