just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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