Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
