I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
