i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
