i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize