my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
