Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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