As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
