why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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