New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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