Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he told me I talked like a deaf person
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
