Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
