a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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