i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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