Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Randomize
