Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
