i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
