I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
