he shaved USA in his pubs
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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