This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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