The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
