you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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