Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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