did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
