If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
