so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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