Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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