Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
