It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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