Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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