You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
