i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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