Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
