yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize