I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
