Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
