With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
