Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize