New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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