i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Come on in and take your pants off
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