i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
