Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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