I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
