so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
