Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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