In the future we'll all be gay
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
