this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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