I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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