Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
