Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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