We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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