I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have feelings that need drinking.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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