I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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