I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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