btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
