Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
