So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
