I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
