am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
