The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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