your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
