she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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