i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
