oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have grass duct taped all over my body
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
