when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize