Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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