we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
