where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
