Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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