so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
