1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
