Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
