This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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